


i will see the stars and know your light remains

by myaimistrue



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Cassandra Pentaghast & Cullen Rutherford Friendship, Chant of Light (Dragon Age), F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Prayer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25224307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myaimistrue/pseuds/myaimistrue
Summary: A study in injury, in faith, and in love.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And though I bear scars beyond counting, nothing  
> Can break me except Your absence."  
> Trials 1:6

It was very late. Cullen hadn’t been able to sleep regularly since the Circle; he was haunted by nightmares that shook him awake at various hours of the night, nightmares full of abominations and the desperate cries of people he couldn’t save. He slept less than three hours a night for the first few years after that terrible time, and as time went on, he experienced more to fuel those terrors. 

The nightmares had decreased in both frequency and intensity since he and Evelyn had begun sharing a bed, but they always returned with ferocity when she was away. So nights like these, when she’d been away for days, and sleep seemed more elusive than ever, he found himself pouring over reports for hours into the night.

Every report seemed the same as the last; there was trouble in the area, but the Inquisition now had enough respect and influence that they were planning to turn it around. Even in places like the Western Approach, where their strategic footholds and military presence were relatively new, the Inquisition’s soldiers and agents were able to do good. With every hopeful report, Cullen felt his confidence in their ability to win the war swell slightly.

As the very late evening began to blend into the very early morning, there was a rapid knock at his door. He got to his feet to open it, anxiety blooming in his chest; there was little reason for such urgency at this hour unless it was something terrible.

Cassandra was standing there in blood-soaked armor. She looked exhausted, and almost frightened. “It’s Evelyn.”

“What?” Dread dropped in his stomach like a cold block of ice. “What happened?”

“She’s injured,” Cassandra said breathlessly; she’d clearly run there. “We brought her as quickly as we could, but she’s hurt, Cullen. Badly.”

“Where is she?”

“The infirmary. We-”

He didn’t think, he ran. He ran through the darkness of Skyhold, Cassandra following closely behind him, and he felt vaguely like a man in a dream; it seemed he was running through molasses, that with every step he grew slower, but he kept going. All that mattered was getting to Evelyn.

Varric was sitting against the wall outside the infirmary when they finally arrived, and Dorian paced back and forth in front of him, chewing on his thumbnail. Both appeared to be as beaten down and wearied as Cassandra.

“Cullen.” The somber sound of Varric’s voice was like a death knell. 

“What happened to her?” Cullen said fiercely, looking back and forth between all of them. “What _ happened? _ ”

“A dragon happened,” Dorian said, still pacing. “It was a tough fight. I felt like it lasted years, and we were all exhausted by the end. Evelyn finally managed to kill it, but before it fell, it clawed at her. She didn’t move out of the way fast enough, and I, well, I thought she was dead. I’ve never seen that much blood come out of one person at once. It was practically streaming out her, it-”

“Dorian,” Cassandra said sharply. “That is enough.”

“How bad is it?” It took everything for him to keep his voice from shaking as he said it.

“Pretty fucking bad,” Varric said, dropping his head into his hands and massaging his temples. “I didn’t think she’d even make it back here.”

“I have to see her,” Cullen said. If things were truly this bad, he needed to lay eyes on her. If this was going to be the end, he was going to be there for it. 

Cassandra moved to stand between Cullen and the door to the infirmary. “No, you cannot. The surgeon is working on her.”

“I don’t care,” He said furiously. “I’m going in there.”

“You _ can’t _ ,” Cassandra repeated. “The surgeon needs to stay focused so that Evelyn can be saved, and you will be nothing but a distraction. It’s excruciating, I know, but you must stay out here, and you must  _ wait _ .” She lowered her voice. “Pray, Cullen. I’ll pray with you. Evelyn is going to need every bit of help that she can get.”

He held her gaze for a long time, but finally buckled under its intensity. He could barely recognize his own voice as he said, “I can’t lose her, Cassandra.”

“I know.” She took both of his hands in hers and closed her eyes. “Maker, my enemies are abundant/Many are those who rise up against me. But my faith sustains me; I shall not fear the legion/Should they set themselves against me/In the long hours of the night/When hope has abandoned me-”

“I will see the stars and know/Your Light remains,” Cullen joined in. His eyes slipped shut as they continued. “I have heard the sound/A song in the stillness…”

Varric and Dorian stood with them, and they all prayed together as the night got darker and darker around them. They recited the Chant of Light, they spoke the traditional prayers, Dorian even tried his hand at his own rambling invocations. Time lost all meaning. It felt as though Cullen had been there with them, praying fervently and desperately for years, for decades.

Finally,  _ finally _ , the door to the infirmary opened. They all stared at the surgeon as she stepped outside into the cool night, trying to discern Evelyn’s condition by the expression on her face. She looked completely spent; there were dark circles under her eyes, and her shirt was soaked through with sweat.

“Is she alright?” Cullen said anxiously.

“For now, yes,” The surgeon said tiredly. “When she arrived, the wound was already getting infected, and she had also lost far too much blood. It’s very fortunate that you three got her here when you did- even thirty minutes later, and she might have been dead. You all saved her life.” She smiled a little at the trio. “Now, we aren’t entirely out of the woods yet. The infection is better, but not completely gone, and she’s still very weak. However, I’ll be keeping a close watch on her, and as long as we don’t have any nasty surprises, she should be alright. 

Cullen was overwhelmed by the sense of absolute and total relief that washed over him. She was alive. She was going to be alright. He could have cried. 

“Thank the Maker,” Cassandra said. 

“Can we see her?” Dorian asked eagerly.

“I’ve given her a sedative; it might be best to let her sleep.”

“I need to see her,” Cullen said.

The surgeon looked at him like he wasn’t understanding. “She’s asleep, Commander.”

“I don’t care. I just need to see her,” He repeated. His voice was raw with emotion and exhaustion. “Please.”

The surgeon gave him an appraising look, then sighed. “Fine. You, and only you, may go inside to see her, but only for a few moments. I need to wash up, but as soon as I’m back, you have to go. I don’t need anything else to happen to the Inquisitor under my care.”

“You’re telling me,” Varric muttered as the surgeon walked away.

“I should go notify Josephine and Leliana of this. They’ll want to know what’s happened.” Cassandra smiled at Cullen and squeezed his arm, a rare show of affection from her. “Dorian, Varric, come along. We can visit later.”

Cullen didn’t wait to watch them go. The inside of the infirmary was quiet, and the smell of elfroot and blood was thick in the air; he was taken back to countless battlefields, countless dead and wounded littered at his feet, countless moments he thought he’d never escape from.

Evelyn was tucked away in the corner bed, asleep. A fresh bandage was wrapped around most of her torso, and he tried not to picture the claw marks in her skin, the deepness of the lacerations. How long was she conscious after the initial attack? How much pain was she in as she lay there on the ground, blood pooling around her? Did she think she was going to die?

Cullen pulled a chair over and sat down beside her bed. He took her hand. “I’m here, darling,” he whispered. “I’m here.”

Evelyn didn’t stir. His eyes traced the curve of her cheekbone, the turn of her lips, every little freckle of her face. The strange grey tone of her skin in the light of the torches. The way her chest rose and fell with every breath. They seemed to come so far apart, but they were steady. She was alive. She was hurt, and she was in pain, but she was  _ alive _ .

He brought their intertwined hands up to his lips and kissed the back of hers, and with all the gratitude he could summon, spoke again to the Maker.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in writing this, I spent a lot of time reading through the existing chant of light verses on the dragon age wiki, which I highly recommend if you're bored and like dragon age. the title, quote at the beginning, and the verses spoken in the fic are all from the canticle of trials, my personal favorite.
> 
> I have some plans for another chapter of this, so I hope y'all liked it! let me know what you think :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Though I am flesh, Your Light is ever present."  
> Trials 15:1

Evelyn awoke, and immediately her hands flew to her stomach. The last time she had been awake, her armor had been shredded there, her shaking hands had been sticky with her own blood. Now, however, there was only a clean white bandage, thick and covering most of her torso.

Slowly, she sat up, wincing as she did so; her entire body ached as pain radiated out of where the dragon had clawed at her. She knew better than to let her guard down before a dragon was assuredly dead, but exhaustion had caused her to do it anyway. The nasty scars this wound would surely leave would be a strong reminder not to do it again.

“Inquisitor?” The surgeon rushed over from where she was folding blankets. “You shouldn’t sit up for too long, you’re still healing.”

“I-” Before Evelyn could respond, she was being gently pushed back down on the bed. “Oh. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” The surgeon felt her forehead. “Well, your fever’s still gone. And I changed your bandages just a few minutes ago- the infection is nearly gone.”

“Infection?”

“Oh, yes.” She sighed. “Forgive me, I haven’t slept much since you arrived. How much do you remember?”

“I remember fighting the dragon, and I remember being clawed,” Evelyn said. She thought of how Cassandra had cried out, how Varric’s hands pressed down on her stomach, how he had begged her to stay awake, how she watched her own blood pool around her. “Then I blacked out.”

The surgeon nodded absently. “Well, your friends managed to stop the bleeding after you lost consciousness. When you arrived, however, you had still lost a dangerous amount of blood, and the lacerations were beginning to grow infected; you were… well, you were very near to death. Fortunately, I was able to bring you back.”

Evelyn took a deep breath and tried to ignore how it hurt. “Maker. That’s… thank you. Thank you for saving me.”

“There’s no need to thank me.” Her voice was brusque, but she smiled. “I’m just grateful you’re doing so well.” 

“So am I.”

“Oh!” She exclaimed. “What am I doing? I have to tell the Commander. I promised I’d notify him as soon as you were awake and talking.”

“Cullen? Has he been here?” Just the thought of seeing his face made her feel so much better. It had been almost a week since they’d seen one another before the dragon; they didn’t like to be apart for much longer than that.

The surgeon actually laughed out loud. “Has he been here? Inquisitor, he nearly kicked the door down to get in here when he first found out what had happened. And he wouldn’t leave your side until Sister Leliana and Lady Josephine came down here and forced him to go to bed.”

Her heart seemed to swell at the thought of him sitting beside her bed, holding her hand and whispering to her. “Of course he did.”

“He loves you very much, doesn’t he?”

Evelyn smiled. “He does.”

“That’s a wonderful thing.” The surgeon patted her arm. “Now, I’m going to notify him and your other advisors. Do you feel well enough to see them?”

“I do.”

“Good. Drink some of that water while I’m gone.” She pointed to a glass on a little table beside Evelyn’s bed. “We need to keep you hydrated.”

The surgeon hurried out, and Evelyn sat up, trying not to move too recklessly. She reached for the glass of water beside her bed, and for a brief moment, it felt as though the breath was being stolen from her lungs, the pain was so sharp and so sudden. She froze, taking deep and precise breaths. It was just a simple reach over. She could do this.

Finally, moving as slowly as possible, she managed to bring the glass to her lips. The water was so refreshing; she drained the entire thing. And then again, she barely managed to get the glass back onto the table without stopping from the pain. Her stomach felt like fire, burning and twisting her abdomen and spreading through her body.

The beginnings of anxiety began lodging themselves in Evelyn’s chest. She had always been a quick healer, and injuries were something she took on the chin; they happened, but you pushed through them. This clearly wasn’t something she’d be able to push through, which was a frightening thought. She was the Inquisitor; it wasn’t the kind of job she could take a leave of absence from while he recovered.

The peace talks in Orlais and the accompanying ball were in less than a month. She needed to be able to move freely for that, and there was absolutely no way she could miss it. And there was work to be done regarding the Grey Wardens. And she still had things she needed to take care of in Redcliffe.

But then, the door to the infirmary burst open, and as Evelyn met Cullen’s eyes, her immediate worries disappeared. A wonderful smile spread across his face. She thought she’d never get tired of that smile.  
“How are you feeling?” He said, coming to sit beside her bed and taking her hand in his. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes; his sleeping habits had always been terrible, and this had only made it worse.

“I’m alright.” She wanted to reach out and touch his face, but knew he would see the pain on her face as she did so, and she didn’t want to worry him anymore than she already had. “How are you? Have you slept?”

Cullen shook his head. “You were attacked by a dragon and you want to know if I’ve gotten enough sleep?”

“I worry for you.”

“And I worry for you.” He looked at her with concern. “How bad is the pain?”

“It’s…” Evelyn sighed. The reality of this injury was setting in.“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Cullen. I can push through a lot. I can take pain. But I’m not going to be in fighting shape for a long time. I couldn’t reach for that glass of water without having to force myself through it, and I…” She felt tears burning in her eyes. “Maker’s breath, how am I going to do this?”

Tenderly, Cullen reached out and touched her face, running his thumb up and down her cheek. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Evelyn. But I know this: you are the strongest person I’ve ever known. You’ve fought through so much, and this injury is no different. It  _ will  _ be alright.”

“I hope so.”

“I  _ know _ so.”

Evelyn smiled in spite of herself. “How did I get so lucky?”

He kissed her then, soft and gentle, and when the kiss ended, he held her in the most careful embrace; she knew he was trying not to hurt her in any way. The touch of his hands on her back was feather-light.

“I love you,” Cullen whispered. “You know that, right?”

“Of course I do. I love you too.” 

“I…” His voice grew reverently quiet. “I prayed for this. I asked the Maker to give us more time. To give  _ you  _ more time.”

Evelyn closed her eyes. Even now, after everything that had happened in her life, she doubted her faith. She doubted often. But in this moment, her pain and worry secondary, her lover in her arms, both of them miraculously alive, she had never felt any closer to the Maker’s light.

“Thank you.” The very word, a prayer. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, the quote at the beginning is from the canticle of trials in the chant of light.
> 
> hope you liked this little two-shot! cullen and trevelyan are so lovely together.
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated :)


End file.
